A Thankful Heart

Thanksgiving: a day that is set aside each year to remember how blessed you are.

Last year, I was convinced that Thanksgiving would forever be the worst day of my life. That every year I would remember what I have lost. That I would never forget November 25, 2010 and how it unraveled my entire world. That I would never be able to be happy again. That I didn't have anything to be thankful for.

This year, I am still convinced that Thanksgiving is a day that will never be the same. It is a day that I will always remember with a slight negativity to it. Never will I forget November 25, 2010 or the days that followed. But, I am happy, and I do have so much to be thankful for.

Today,exactly one year from the day that I received a phone call informing me that my youth leaders, mentors, friends, and brother/sister were no longer with us, I choose to be thankful. I am thankful for every day that I got to share with them. I am thankful for the love they had for me. I am thankful for the crazy times we had together. I am thankful for every prayer they said for me. I am thankful for every drive we made together. I am thankful for every lesson I learned from them. I am thankful for every conversation I had with them. I am thankful for every time they prayed with me. I am thankful for every lazy Sunday afternoon we had together. I am thankful for every service we played together. I am thankful for every bit of support they gave me. I am thankful for every memory I have with them. I am thankful for Josh and Kristen, period.

Josh and Kristen were two of the best people I have ever met. Hands down. They are everything I want to be. I will never be able to thank God enough for placing them in my life at the exact moment I needed them there. Although our time together was so short, I cannot help but be happy for them. As much as I want them here on Earth with me, they have been rewarded for their lifetime of dedication, what more could I ask for?
I could be angry with God. I could throw the towel in and give up. I could walk away from the very essence of what Josh and Kristen were, Christians. But I refuse. I refuse to let this tragic loss keep me from serving the God that Josh and Kristen led me to. I refuse to let one valley defeat every mountain I have climbed. I refuse to let this be my end.

Sure, it hurts to think that I'll never get to really say goodbye to them. It hurts to think about all the things in my life they will miss out on. Especially graduation this year. It hurts to think of all the memories that won't be made with them. Of course I miss them. Of course I have days when I can't avoid the pain. Of course I think about them every day. But, if that weren't the case, then they really wouldn't have meant that much to me. 

So today, one year from the worst day of my life, I am reminded to be thankful for what I have. I am reminded to always make sure to let the people you love know exactly how much you love them, because one day you may not be able to. I am thankful for friends and family that stick beside me through the hardest times of my life. I am thankful for friends that have turned into family. Most of all, I am thankful for two people that took the time to teach me, mold me, and shape me into the Christian I am today. They never gave up on me, never got impatient with me, and most of all, never walked away from me. What more could I ask for?

Through all this, I simply remember, they are just one breath away.